Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Ladies, increase your breast size without surgery

Just listen to a ringtone.

Any volunteers want to put it to the test? I'll be happy to collect the data.

Via The Raw Feed.


delicate flower said...

I only got through 2 minutes but am so excited that I'll gladly enroll... if you send your photo first. I'm a 38C now and have always wanted to be a 40EE ...Though as a menopausal woman would a baby's crying increase my tits or just piss me off????? Dying to hear what others have to say on this...
Do you have references? How will you be collecting data? Do we want before and after pictures?

yorksnbeans said...

Does a woman have to have children to benefit? Since I've never had any, a crying baby just irritates me, so I doubt the music would effect me in that fashion.

Andy Holroyd said...

@delicate flower
Thank you for your interest in this project. Firstly, you asked for a photo, you can find my photograph here, though it's a bit dated now.

It’s good to hear that you would like to expand your horizons and enroll to this study.

I fully understand that subliminal audio of crying babies will have mental effects upon most normal people, but it is the physical effect on breast size which is the chief area of study

All data are to be collected manually using a touch sensitive, volume compensating method. For the correct subject this may turn into a protracted study, requiring regular assessment.

Computer imagery will often be recorded for archive purposes. Live 24/7 webcams are also an option.
No increase in breast size is guaranteed over this study

Please see your doctor or pharmacist if symptoms continue (after your final assessment)

Andy Holroyd said...

In experimental terms it would be very important to sample from all groups in the populace. If it just affects young girls going through puberty then it's dubious.

And yes crying infants are an irritation, unless its a real cry of distress. Then even the non-parent seems to react, or I would anyway.

delicate flower said...

Andy: Expansion indeed.... I see the webcam option.. that would certainly cut down on costs but would compromise the touch sensitive, volume compensating method.. By the way how does one do volume compensating on breasts? And, do you perform these experiments Japanese style, American, or British?

Still got that long haired look going there?

Andy Holroyd said...

@delicate flower

You are correct, mere visual observation is not a substitute for a more 'hands on' experimental technique. Imagery however, is a complementary record which can be re-evaluated by further study. The 'webcam option' is simply to allow other interested researchers access to the raw data.

Regarding your question about volume compensation. There are two 'Digitometer 2009' assessment devices (pat pending) currently available. These are able to adopt a wide variety of cup-like orientations and can readily calculate the enclosed volume by the degree of digit displacement and Oiler's theorem.

As to style, science has no style, Interpretation of facts is all that matters (but since you ask, 'doggie').

As to my hirsute nature, an old photograph can often be misleading. Since last January I have allowed my beard to grow in celebration of the bi-centennial of the birth of Charles Darwin.

I hope this addresses your questions and I look forward to your continued interest in this project.

delicate flower said...

df notes 'doggie'. I'm more of a pussy person myself.
I know I'll wonder why I asked later, but what is Oiler's theorem?

contemplating the hirsute comments and will get back to you. Darwin? really?

Andy Holroyd said...

@delicate flower

Regarding pussies:
Felinophilia is a condition I too suffer from. I currently accommodate two, both of which were strays before I provided meals, a warm dry bedding place and regular attention. Rather like women really.

On to Oiler's theorem:
My mistake, I wrote his name phonetically, of course I meant the physicist Euler. If you visit that link, the first paragraph will clearly explain my error.

Euler's theorem is but a generalised version of Fermat's little theorem which itself is about finding primes. I have measured many prime examples with my 'Digitometer apparati' but not enough yet for the extended investigation I aim to commission.

This study undertakes to ascertain: prime age, prime hormonal development, prime social status, prime number, prime rate and the level of evolution from the primordial soup (hence Charles Darwin).

Your continued interest in this project is of high value.

delicate flower said...

I like the first description of felinophelia- I have 2 as well, boys.. needy, always under foot, naughty, begging for 'food' all the time. It's the just the three of us here and we have a fine time.
Of course you meant Euler, i should have known.. But, let me warn you that the 38C and the moniker "delicate flower" are indicative of the intellectual level here and you about to push my sweet little blonde ( well former blonde) head aspinnin'

prime rate? like one's CD earning? Or 'man, that chick is prime!"

Andy Holroyd said...

It is heartening to learn of your two male cats. Toms, or a pair of toms; tomtoms, maybe we could make music together, I play bass guitar!

As to 'prime rate'

Rate is a measure of throughput, in this case a throughout may be 'how many experimental examinations can be conducted in a set time'. If this were maximised with sufficient attention to each subject, a prime rate of evaluation can be achieved.

However, given enough time, the examination of a single subject often gives a more satisfactory return. This can be a transitory effect though given current divorce rates.

And that's another rate and ... Hmmm, let's chill...

{blows internet kisses @ delicate flower}

delicate flower said...

Be still my beating heart.. I just saw the internet kisses.... will dream of those trousers (teehee) all day as I sit at my computer contemplating how to subtly compose and compile lists of affirmative actions to be contemplated by white people wishing to be perceived as more supportive to those of color.....Deadline for this activity: Today Start Date: Today!
long story!
anyway, kisses back!