When I was a youngster my parents bought me a pair of braces to hold up my new trousers. Of course these were 'Trousers to grow into' and without such support I would have been running around bare arsed. The braces were blue and had pictures of planets and rockets and, in the box, was a genuine ticket to the Moon.
I know, because it said so.
Somewhere in a landfill site, many many years ago...
Judgement Day is a' comin', Saturday 21st May. Wow that's like... this weekend!
I thought it was going to be just before Christmas 2012, according to the Mesoamerican Long Count Calendar, but Christian preacher and radio broadcaster Harold Camping thinks otherwise. The long-awaited Rapture, when all good Christian souls will drift off up to Heaven, will be on Saturday and conveniently arranged for 6pm in all time zones around the world (not sure about Samoa). The rest of us folks will be 'left behind', milling about incoherently or something. But not me, I have a plan: if you think you will be Raptured simply post your address in the comments below and leave your front door open. I promise someone will visit your ex-home as soon as they can to feed the dog, cat, budgie, goldfish etc, water any plants and generally take care of things. Car keys, bank account details and passwords left in obvious places will all help provide this service.
On the night itself I have a gig at a local pub where, the last time we played there, the entire valley had a power cut plunging all into darkness. The band has always joked that it was all our fault for ramping up the volume but it could be an omen. If we have time to play 'knocking on heaven's door' I'll be happy. In fact, I feel fine...